crappppp life

life sucks so bad.

at school i’m getting so much work i think i’m gonna just jump out of a window  or something lol. man. on top of that, i have to do a bazillion extra curricular activities to actually get into university, so my only free lunch time is every OTHER thursday (week b). then teachers get stressed at me cause i’ve forgotton the h/w or done it late or something but i’ve been out/busy the last 3 nights. everytime something little happens all i wanna do is cry and give up.

then at school, my sister and mother are so frustrating. everything i do is selfish or rude or something, OR i’m fat, or ungrateful etc etc. then when i DO decide do clean or something random, they’re all sarcastic. but they don’t realise that every single time they do that, it just makes me feel worse and worse about myself, and more and more angry with life, and more stressed.

no one understands, and i know that’s a teenager thing to say, but it’s true. i feel like i have no ambitions in life that don’t relate to spain:

1.go to uni to do spanish (doesn’t count)

2.live in spain (doesn’t count)

3.be happy and successful (happy- i can’t imagine myself happy without spain/spanish)

seriously. it’s so sad.

and THEN, i get people dissing me for the randomest things. just for the record, i DON’T have pictures of my room on myspace! man! i don’t have time for you!

most people save their money of for cars and houses and university and stuff. what do i save mine up for? travelling (TO SPAIN).

i just need motivation to like.. live. not that i’m suicidal or anything like that, ya know.. just my life is so monotonous. i feel asexual or something. i’m not into any guy, not even tasos. i don’t even have time.

i feel like i have to fake being happy because everytime i say i don’t care, everyone’s like :O but i don’t! i don’t CARE!

ok i’m going to go and wallow in self-pity. au revoir mes amis!

food & exercise diary

ok so i joined the gym today. i’m pretty sure no one’ll read this lol. but i’m just doing it for myself. i did like 50 mins @ the gym, and did the crosstrainer, treadmill (i ran VOLUNTARILY lol), and rowing machine for like 3mins cause i’m a wimp haha. and some muscle things.

i’ve decided i want to work mostly on my waist/hips & tummy. i’m gonna do some classes next week, and yeah. i’m excited actually lol. man.. at the age of 16 i’ve already joined the gym 2 times in my life lol. well i wanna lose weight for MAY 12TH- THE BALL!!! aaah!! i don’t even know who to take lmao. but yeah. i cant’ wait :D

ok today i’ve eaten..

kelloggs k medley (1bowl)

2 apples, 1 satsuma, 1 banana and grapes

stir fry

lentils

like 1 1/2 spoons of icecream haha

oh anda tiny bit of nutella.

i’m feeling pretty confident so far.

REASONS TO LOSE WEIGHT:

- more confidence, to be able to be less self-concious, to buy clothes a smaller size, to look better in my clothes, to be able to experiment more with clothes

- so people like me more. yeah that’s a stupid reason. but whatever. i want guys in greece/spain to appreciate ma bootay haha. and yea.. like i’d like people to be jealous of me. that would feel so good. i wanna be the perfect me.

- so my parents are proud-er of me, so i don’t get people telling me to loose weight
- for my HEALTH! i do NOT want to die early.

UGh I guess this means not drinking (much) too dammmmn.. must find out how bad wine or vodka are. lol.

holiday!

i’m going to greece tomorrow! then when i come back, i’m going to spain the next day so i guess i’ll be back in like september lol. =/ weird huh? i’m really gonna change this summer i think.

Work experience

I’ve been doing work experience at a hotel this week. Yesterday and today I was in housekeeping. So basically just cleaning. It was kinda crap cause it’s SOOOOOOOOO hot and stuff. And I cleaned like 5 toilets today. I don’t even get paid I feel so used lol.

Today I saw Louis Walsh (a judge on a singing talent show called the X Factor, he discovered Westlife, Girls Aloud.. Boyzone…). He’s staying in my hotel o_0 omg. It’s so cool lol I didn’t talk/sing to him though cause we’re not allowed to harass guests like that. Damn.

A girl asked me what repetitive means today. =/

hahaha

look what i just found lol: http://numeric.scipy.org/

OMFG

Just came back from a house party. everyone got way too drunk, and some chavs kept picking fights.. especially with my friends. So I called my mum and as she came, they all ganged up on my friend's bf. we were trying to get everyone in the car but two of my girl friends were left behind, cause they were too drunk to realise what was happening.when most of us were in the car, my mum locked the doors, and this guy came up to us and was telling us to come out and fight with him and crap. she's reversing, and this guy kept walking up to the car. omfg. i was so scared. he spat on the car. everyone was swearing at us (like 20 chavs) and they were stoning the car… OMG. man. i was like hysterically crying in the car. i'm so glad i have the friends i have actually, we all stick up for each other and it feels fuzzy inside lol. when i was crying, 2 of the guys in the car were like DON'T WORRY and stuff loads lol. i'm like HOW CAN I NOT FREAKIN WORRY?! MY TWO BEST FRIENDS ARE STILL IN THERE! omg. i was sooooooooo scared. like, indescribably scared. i hope they're ok.. we called one of their mums. =/ i hope she's not mad at me.

edit//i forgot to say that some chav hit my friend's bf, and his ear's bleeding from the inside! my other friend (a guy) got hit 3 times and hit lip bled but it's ok now, even the most timid guys were hit, but i'm so proud no one punched them back lol 

So sick

I'm actually so sick of not getting guy attention lol. All my (skinny-ish) friends can get naked at parties and wear short skirts, low-cut tops, heels, etc etc and get away with it. In fact, no one even says how slutty they look (not saying they look slutty but ya know.. they can wear short skirts and guys'll be like woah.. but if I did that they'd just be like EW lol). Some of my friends are going to this post-GCSE party and dressing slutty (mostly on purpose) because they can "get away with it". My sister and her friends do it too. I mean, why are guys so shallow?! lol. Gosh. Anyway, this guy who has a gf was like "omg don't because I have a gf, and I don't want to cheat"… And  I dunno I'm just sick of people doing stuff just so guys'll like get turned on or whatever (lesbian stuff, short skirts..). 

I really feel like doing something creative. I just can't ever find good pictures to PSP and stuff… 

Hmm. I need to tidy my room.. and find text books for school otherwise my mum'll get charged for the physics and IT one lol.

Finished!

It’s so weird.. I’ve finally finished my GCSEs. Woah. 2 years of school preparing, and months of revision (or just being told to revise and just going on the internet lol), and it’s all over. I actually feel really strange cause you can usually retake stuff, but I’d have to pay to retake these. So I can’t really lol. And I can’t describe it but I feel sorta helpless- I can’t change anything I’ve written and stuff. =/

I never have to do maths, science, business studies, english… ever again! OMG. I’m scared lol. I’m really excited to get my results but sorta worried too. But I can’t wait for next year These last 5 years have really gone quite quickly. Not reallyyyyyyy quickly but I guess just it feels quicker lol. Anyways. Yeah. Now my only mission in life, like my friend Jess says, is too look good haha And I have to buy clothes for next year. But with what moneyyyyy?! NO TENGO DINERO! lol

Just realised

I've just realised how scared of rejection I really am =/

Blah

I had maths today. It was quite easy, thank God. I hope it brings up my mark. Then again, my cw'll probably bring it down again haha  

I feel really blah today. Like.. I dunno. I wanna cry but there's nothing to cry about lol. I hate hormones.